Monday, April 5, 2010

A Threesome with a couple?

Did you ever encounter a couple who goes to the bathhouse together and notice that they are seeking a third?

Did you ever wonder what it would be like to have a threesome with a couple? Or you have been invited to join a threesome by a couple?

Well, if you are thinking to get involve in such activity and wants to know how to do it 'right', read this fun and entertaining article below by Alvin Tan from Fridae.com


Threesome with a twosome

by Alvin Tan

Fridae's resident expert on outrageous sexual behavior, Alvin Tan, explores the issue of sex with a couple and offers some rules of conduct when engaging in a threesome with a twosome.

Just last weekend, I was posing at the local gay bar with my eyes straining ever so wide to achieve that virginal look - when I found myself at the receiving end of an indecent proposal.
While anyone would think that a flawless goddess such as myself would have long been used to free offers of gratuitous sex from attractive gay men, I was nonetheless rendered speechless on this occasion (no, I was not choking on an ice cube).

The reason is simple. For the first time in my limited homo sexperience (just in case my partner is reading this), I was invited to have sex with a couple (cue winsome blush on my chiseled cheeks).

With "open" relationships between gay men getting increasingly commonplace these days, you never know when you'll find yourself invited - like yours truly - to a menage-a-trois (French for threesome for the less linguistically gifted amongst Fridae's readers).

As the fresh piece of meat in an otherwise "stale" relationship, you'll be regarded with the interest and fascination usually reserved for the re-appearance of the Dodo bird. In most cases, you may even find yourself treated like visiting royalty and having your every sexual whims and fancies attentively attended to.

Although sex with a couple entails more bodies, more heat and more excitement, a sexual liaison with a couple can also prove to be extremely hazardous to one's self-esteem, health and reputation.

So unless you're into double trouble or enjoy being on the receiving end of a tag-team effort to boot you out of the house (or worse, the gay community), you would do well to bear in mind Fridae's Five Commandments - before, when and after having sex with a gay couple.

Commandment No. 1: No Playing Favourites
It's inevitable. You're going to be more attracted to one of the guys than the other. But unfortunately, you can't play favourites. Still if you're the homo-equivalent of the Oscar winning Meryl Streep and can convincingly feign equal interest, then this would not pose a problem and you can skip to Commandment Number Two. But if you lack the formidable acting prowess of the divine Ms Streep, then it's best to keep both your eyes closed. That way, you won't know who you are deep-throating or whose mouth is having a go at your boner with the suction power of an industrial strength vacuum cleaner and better yet, you'll be way past caring.

Commandment No. 2: No Sleepover Unless
As a general rule, you should never sleep over at the couple's "Den of Perpetual Lust" if you're not invited - no matter how weak your knees are or how utterly exhausted you are. This is pure commonsense since you never know the kind of drama that might erupt the morning after. Trust me, you don't want to be running out butt naked into the streets clutching your clothes while the couple bicker and fight like Alexis Colby and Krystle Carrington on Dynasty.

However, if they do ask you to stay and you're quite sure you want to, do not, I repeat, do not conveniently position yourself between the couple and start snoring away - let them decide who sleeps where. Being a courteous cocksman with impeccable bedside manners will definitely earn you a return invite.

Commandment No. 3: Start Multitasking
Time to earn your Ms Versatility Title honey! If you think sex with a single guy is a lot of work, imagine sex with two guys. With three pairs of hands, three pairs of lips, three throbbing appendages and three gaping butts, you would do well to prepare yourself for lots of manual, oral and anal action - often all at the same time.

Unless you can multitask effectively, you may find yourself overwhelmed and labeled an inadequate lover. And if that leaks out to the gay grapevine, you might never be able to date again without an appearance on Extreme Makeover. So in the event if your hands, mouth and butt are otherwise engaged, put your imagination to good use and start experimenting with your nostril(s), armpit(s) and toe(s).

Commandment No. 4: Don't Expect LTR
For the last time, sex is sex - especially if it's sex with a couple. So don't even entertain the possibility of a Long Term Relationship with one or both of the aforementioned couple. First of all, an invitation to sex with a couple does not mean that they are looking for a permanent three-way arrangement. If you allow yourself to fall in love with either or both of them and your affections are not reciprocated, then you'll be no better than a "Cling-On" with Velcro-like abilities.

Secondly, even if they are willing to make the arrangement long-term, you'll be labeled as the home-breaking whore should anything untoward happen to their relationship - even if it's not your fault. Finally, you might find yourself competing for the affections of one of them with the other partner and things might just turn ugly. Trust me, it's not worth the effort as well as the mental and emotional anguish.

Commandment No. 5: Never Get Jealous
It's possible that the couple may be getting off on each other so intensely that they'll forget you're even in the room. If you find yourself getting left out or neglected (you poor thing!), you should never get jealous - after all, you're the third party here. Keep your cool and try to work your way into the action.

Conversely, you may have to deal with the situation where one partner does a Hulk and turns into the green-eyed monster because you or the other partner paid too much attention to each other. If such an unfortunate situation should ever arise, you may wish to pacify the jealous partner by drawing him back into the action (at least you'll earn his gratitude) or if the scene turns ugly, be ever so prepared to do a flash and run for the nearest exit.

With that, you're now ready for your tumble in the twin-sized sack.

Editor's Note: Fridae is NOT responsible for the outcomes, usually tragic, of gay readers who follow Alvin Tan's outrageous instructions to the T).

No comments:

Post a Comment

Post a Comment